Sunday, August 26, 2007
indecisiveness, mood swings and heart aches. please, i need something to change. :(
12:33 AM :D
Friday, August 24, 2007
when you hold on too tight, like sand, it goes all away.
when you don't hold on to it at all, you won't even receive it.
this is the point in time where i have neither clues nor ideas to stop myself from being engulved by the words like guns , let alone, truth. Lord, please tell me what to do now.
and here are the lyrics
I cry because I am unable to endure the loneliness
that's the only time you comfort me
I'm worried that a short bout of clear weather
can be claimed by dark clouds at any time
I wait for a chance to be at my worst and my best,
I'm hopeful yet exhausted
because I'm too scared of losing you,
even in my happiness I am full of sorrow
You hadn't realized, you always use your right hand to hold my hand,
but your heart beats on your left
The distance between us always cuts us off from intimacy,
the pity of inadequate love
I extend my right hand, wanting to walk ahead with you,
feeling the heart that loves me beating on your left side
I, who deeply loves you,
believe you will understand (You can definitely see it)
After regretting your indifference,
I always hurriedly apologize
You neglect me and then beg for sympathy,
making it seem as if I'm the one at fault
The conclusion may be the most beautiful or the most sorrowful,
I've prepared myself
You are too free,
maybe no one can re-enter your heart
I've always believed that one day
You will put your left hand in my hand and we will advance towards tomorrow
The future is far, but it will come true
If your heart is at the same side
then I will be able to hear you say "I love you"
zhong shi ren bu zhu ji mo diao xia yan lei
ni cai hui gei an wei
dan xin duan zhen de qing tian sui shi dou ke neng
bei yin mai shou hui
deng dai you ji hui zui huai ye zui tian mei
wo le guan que pi bei
ying wei tai pa shi qu ni suo yi lian kuai le li
dou zhuang man shang bei
ni bu ceng fa jue ni zhong shi yong zuo shou qian zhe wo
dan shi xin que tiao dong zai zuo bian
ni he wo zhi jian de yao yuan yong yuan ge zhe qing qie
ai shao de ke lian
sheng chu you shou xiang pei zhe ni xiang qian zou
gan shou ni ai wo de xin tiao zai zuo bian
na me shen shen ai ni de wo
xiang xin ni hui liao jie (ni yi ding kan de jian)
zhong zai man yuan guo ni de leng mo zhi hou
you ji zhe shuo bao qian
fang fu xiang shu yuan de ni qi qiu yi dian ti liang
dou shi wo bu dui
jie guo you ke neng zui mei ye zui ke bei
wo zuo hao le zhun bei
ye xu tai zi you de ni
xin li mian na ge jia shei ye bu neng hui
wo yi zhi xiang xin zhong you yi tian
ni hui yong zuo shou qian zhe wo zou xiang ming tian
wei lai hen yao yuan que hui shi xian
xin zai tong yi bian jiu neng gou ting jian
ni shuo de na ju wo ai ni
6:53 AM :D
Tuesday, August 21, 2007
after ever happy minute, comes the frustrating and sad ones.
call it dumb or whatever, truth hurts. yeap.
especially when i need you the most now.
7:06 AM :D
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
I DON'T FEEL SPECIAL. anymore.
9:13 AM :D
Friday, August 10, 2007
DEAR ALL, PLEASE NOTE THAT MY PHONE LINE HAS BEEN TEMPORARILY (maybe) CUT OFF BY THOSE TWO ONCE AGAIN.
i thought about it for about the millionth time now- i guess i may be adopted.
both my sibilings do not get the same treatment i am getting every now and then.
Or rather, the treatment i'm getting almost everyday now.
i thought i've heard before, my dad whispering to my mum "she may be different from her other siblings." and i thought the conclusion was that they'd be more patient with me.
Well, no. i've been about abused for the whole of my almost 17 years of living. how's that?
sometimes my mum says that she'll like to kill me.
sometimes my dad says that he'll love to bash me.
sometimes my parents says that they'll like to disown me.
and yesterday, my mum just told me that she'll use a pole to whack me till i'll have broken limbs.
So, now, is this what you call parents love and concern?
If my parents were a little more understanding, i wouldn't have to always lie.
If my parents treated me like how they treat my other siblings, i guess it wouldn't have been this way.
If my parents were better listeners, nothing more would have happened.
i dont love my parents anymore.
you could kill me, i wouldn't care at all. it hurts enough a great deal, inside.
4:08 AM :D
Wednesday, August 08, 2007
instead of feeling happy, i feel very sad.
instead of being smart, i'm a friggin` fucktard.
instead of giving my best, i put up my worst.
instead of being sure, now i'm confused.
instead of putting up my best front, i displayed the lousiest facade.
instead of being positive, i'm at my worst.
instead of appreciating, i'm comparing.
instead of feeling important, i feel insignificant.
instead of feeling appreciated, i feel taken for granted of.
instead of my smiles, frown.
instead of being a princess, now, dirt.
instead of being included, i feel excluded.
instead of living on this blue earth, i feel outside of it.
instead of anticipating, i feel jaded.
i'm at the lowest point in my life. i hate the freakin blue earth and everything that goes with it. But, afterall that has been said, i hate myself most and all the flaws following with. i've hung on too long and the wire's about to snap. i want to wait for something worth waiting for, anticipate for something worth anticipating for, i don't wanna be just another delusive buffoon. *HUGE SIGHS*
Labels: bitch fits., verbal laosais
10:42 AM :D
Friday, August 03, 2007
this is my most anticipated blog post of the week- my mum's birthday :) on the 31st of JULY.
my very dearest mum, and my equally dearest dad brought the family to Fish and Co's "GLASS HOUSE" and i love the place and everything to it.
my sister and i ordered seafood platter for two. OH and of course passion fruit drink.
barely even eating half of the portion, my sister and i were already laying back our seats and rubbing our stomach filled with prawns, mussels, fish and squid. OHHHHH i love the food.
my dad, smartly ordered salmon salad. and from what i know, my dad DON'T eat salad. well, in the end, he gave away almost the whole plate of food to all of us. daddy, daddy~
my mum, got herself a SUPER HUGE i dont know what fish which was awesomely crispy and mouth watering.
my brother having only gone to Fish and Co for the second time now ordered Fish and Chips and he thinks that's the best dish of the house when he haven't ever tasted the rest.
MY SIS AND I, THE SMART ONES ate our fill with satisfaction.
expect that there's one thing that went wrong. that's the smelly mussels in the dish. BUT they got them replaced for us, and from a simple cook steamed mussels, they brought back for us mussels cooked in a different taste, as well as an addition of 2 more mussels. BUT still, i didn't really like the taste of them :/
after our fill, Fish and Co crews surprised my mum with a birthday cheer and my mum was made to stand on a chair, holding a sparkle and wearing a cute hat, together with a completely chocolately cake from my dad's colleague. We don't even know her tho`, i'm sure she don't even know my mum. but she was really generous.
my sister and i took loads of (retarded) multishots together. HAHA I LOVE MY SISTER LIKE HELL. but to keep our xing xiang, we quickly deleted them away xD
my sister used to say that i was always unglam. now i get the point. :D
i love my family (at times) my sis especially! and the both of us even switched dresses that day!
all of those wasn't the only thing that made me happy that day, but guess what? I FOUND MY DEAREST BRACELET! *thumbs up!*
=)))))
however now, i'm feeling really low. the past few days have been really upsetting for me. sometimes i feel so weak, i mean, i obviously am. but there's nothing i can do about it. maybe there's something i can do, but maybe slowly and gradually, so please, be patient with me.
you don't have to always feel hurt at every single thing, you dont have to cry when you feel like it, but maybe i just aint that strong. i cry at every little hurtful thing, and that's a flaw. i'm not very good in controlling my feelings and maybe that's a flaw as well. but there's one thing that i know, that's me, and i'm not perfect. infact, no one is perfect.
i just want you to love me for who i am, i don't want this to be another same mistake. we need to compromise, not only sometimes, but all the time. promises with each other, compromising with one another, letting out how you feel with each other, no matter how bad it will be, understanding one another, giving and taking, all these agreements we made, i want all these to continue, to continue a long way. Xa, i do appreciate the things you've done for me, incase you're in doubt but i want you to know, you're important to me, and i love certain things you did for me. thank you.
5:33 AM :D