CHANRFC

Thursday, September 28, 2006

help!!! im itching all over. rash rash and rash. i mean its minor rash but, it still itch! darn! i blamed my mum, since i think its passed down genetically. HAHAHAHA well, my mum has sensitive skin too! if this is'nt passed down genetically, then how could it be so coincidental? HAHA phew, now this proves that im not adopted. sometimes, the things my parents does makes me feel that i was adopted. my dad is biased towards my sister and my mum, shes biased towards my brother. how about me? well, should i say my maid is biased towards me? :) im an accidental child neway, so its quite understandable. anyway, let me guess that eventually i will decompose and like slowly get eaten up by maggots, rot and die. since my skin is this bad. ahhhh, nono i better not say that. HAHAHAHA. my mum always remind me not to utter gibberish. cause i always ask her. ma, what if i have this cancer or that cancer.what if i die today? what if i suddenly rot and die what if i want to commit suicide? and all the nonsence i could think of, i would always ask her HAHA. well, that's call trying to attract her attention and hint "will you miss me if i die mum and dad?". yeap!
well, not only my skin is torturing me. my nose is running away too. its playing along with my skin. and it just really doesnt make me feel very good. i cant breathe properly, im feeling so itchy. what more do my body wanna do with me. AHHH IT REALLY FEELS BAD!!. i think i need to sleep. YES, I REALLY NEED TO SLEEP.
revision is like half here and there. tml is a friday and because tomorrow is a friday, i will have more time to study, phew. MONDAY MONDAY MONDAY MONDAY MONDAY!! the start of my N lvls! AHHHHH I SCAREDDDDDDDDDD!! :) ok ok chill, its just a paper. im much tougher than a paper arent i? HEHA!
anyway, anyway. I GOTTA SLEEP NOW BEFORE I DIE THIS MINUTE TATA
-thinking about the realities, it kills. imu LIKE DAMN BLOODY DAMN-

9:52 AM :D

Wednesday, September 27, 2006

ahh. i came home, bathed and immediately got down to business. :) studied till 8 and i told myself to stop cause stressing youself too much would mean that nothing's gonna go in. (the head) had dinner, watch the 9o'clock chinese serial show and now im here blogging. just when i finished typing the word ahh. (the first word) my mom came to nag at me. which is rather annoying sometimes. no, i mean EVERYTIME. i mean, i think i deserve a break rather than a scolding. studying the whole day non-stop wouldnt help either. ok, i admit, resting for about 2 hours is quite long actually xD but yeah, i'd be mugging the whole of tonight, and take 2 hours from tml. i guess, that's enough of a payback eh? HAHAHAHA im scared!! im scared!! im really scared!! its causing me sleepless nights and this makes me feel like killing myself! ARGH!
to even get 10 points for 3 subjects i think its quite impossible. how am i going to promote to sec 5. GAWD. i need to sleep books eat books and dream books. its driving me nutsssssssss~!!!!
i hope to be able to get promoted. or else, my parents will lose trust for me! so, yeap should go get started again before i get another round of nagging bliss and yes, before i fail my N lvls :)
-me to you. imu :) -

7:14 AM :D

Monday, September 25, 2006

back at home and i thought everything would be nice and comfy. yet, some thoughts keep bugging me. yes, im not in school once again, well, what if the school calls up my mum, what if i'd miss out alot of things waiting for me to learn today, what if i fail my N's if i dont go to school? how will i explain to sharon for that empty promise? well. ive thought of certain reasons but it would not make up for that empty promise. first, the school will not call my mum as i've taken the initiative xD to call them up myself, claiming that i was "the sister of christina chan rui fang from 4/3. (obviously i cant say im a mother. cause my voice wouldnt make it.) ive tried faking my voice to be more man-like most of the times. but thanks, it didnt help. which deprives me of certains things at times. the worst ever happened is when ppl call for my parents on the house phone and when i pick the call up, they'd call me xiao mei mei. which really pisses me off. neway, back to topic. i was late for school, that's why i didnt turn up.(now, that's a reason :) ) next, i'd really mug today after blogging. so i wouldnt miss out on anything. for my N lvl's, i have no comments atm. HAHA. and next, i promised sharon ytd night that i'd go to school today. hola, i didnt appear. but well, promises are often broken.that's what i learnt. that's what ppl show me. promises, promises, promises. what are they taken for? just words? most likely yes. and i'd get rather pissed off and i'd start saying stuffs in me, shouting inside like "well, if you cant keep a promise then dont promise me anything. not like i'd put a knife on your throat and threaten you to promise me to this and that and whatever not." but well, yeap.i've made an empty promise this time too. and muo gu, im really sorry :(
well, my day? ruined. now i wish i was at school. i miss my friends :(
neway, sitting here the whole day whining about what's happened and what's not would'nt help. i guess, i would help my self by hitting the books right now.im really afraid of the n lvls. i think that's my worst fear for now.
-sitting here, wishing and hoping drives me crazy, thinking about the realities now makes me insane. sometimes i wonder why am i not the one? i lo... like you, i really do xD-

6:58 PM :D

Friday, September 22, 2006

maple maple maple! argh. boring but addictive. (does these 2 words come together in the first place? HAHA) im so tired but maple maple maple. i wanna study but maple maple maple. i wanna kill myself but maple maple maple. i wanna go out but maple maple maple! one more week to N levels but maple maple maple. it truly is addictive. but i actually don't see why it is. maybe it's animations are too cute to be true HAHA. (don't try to find excuses)
neway tml is kl's birthday! and nana and leongish, you wont see me in church. don't miss me too much yeah :) HAHA. and i'd be the chef of the day! oh oh not to worry guys, you wont suffer from food poisoning, diarrhoea or what not. im but of cause the greatest chef in the whole wide world. how can you possibly get food poisoning?! HAHAHA. okok i think i should shut up. disclaimer: nothing written in bold is truth. HAHA. but woot! im happy. i'll get to eat eat and eat till i blow up like a balloon! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (yes janson, i do eat alot. but i wont be as roly-poly as you :) but i might be in the years to come HAHAHAHAHA)
1 more week to N levels and... i know im not prepared at all! i need more time. i need more motivation and i need to stop my addictiveness to sleeping and mapling. i always go "oh okok, maple for like half and hour and sleep for on hour and start work" whao. what's the time now? 7:05 how long have i been mapling? 4 hours. have i taken my nap? not a wink. AHHHHH i scaredddddddddddddd!!!! okok. sitting here and whine wont help. i should just go and nap now and start. promise! HAHAHAHAHA :) im really scared. really really scared. really extremely scared!!! someone, HELP!!
-why love when love hurts; why cry when you cant change realities; why hope when there isnt any and miss when all you could do is dream. i wish to take your hand. i WANT to take your hand. i DESIRE to take your hand. but i wish i wasnt this mad :) december? HAHA we'll wait and see-

3:56 AM :D

Thursday, September 21, 2006

sometimes i wonder, where has all the gratitude towards other ppl gone to? here's one example.- there's this dumb internet modem that i have at home. which is extremely useless and uber irritating. which keeps getting spoilt. and for my mum (so that she can use her internet at her laptop while we're using the internet at our com. so she wouldnt make so much noise), my bro had to rush down countless times(basically, we had our modem changed countless times) to get it done and good. and this time, it go bonkers again. but my bro did'nt have the time to repair it so obviously he did not go down to change it. and my mum started bitch fitting. she scolded my bro for being useless, not being able to do things correctly, scolded him for not doing it sincerely (after how many times he's gone down to get the modem done) and scolded him for this and that and whatnot. this seriously pissed me off. how can, ever, a mother get so unreasonable like seriously?. how can be so not logical here. this makes me really wanna argh! stand up for my bro!(for the first time? haha) but seriously, it pissed me off.
not only that, she dropped her bird shit on my head. i could clearly see that she's not in a good mood. but in which position is she to vent her anger on us? she scolded me for studying. not plainly on studying, but she scolded me for going out to study. why on earth did i get out of here to study? that's basically because, the com and the bed's just too attractive. staying at home, i'd just do those forever(not forgetting i'd sleep thru the evening and wake up at 9 in the night). i told my mum that. and she scolded me "no, i'd rather you sleep and not go out to study" oh obviously you'd rather i sleep. the results are'nt yours afterall. and seriously speaking, i see no logic with her sentence. and that pisses me off doubly.
but she's my mum afterall. however, the argument here is that she's unreasonable. and there's no doubt about that.
-sitting here and dreaming makes me go crazy. thinking of the realities drives me insane. my desires are too difficult to explain. but i'd want to take your hand and together we'll forget the world.and let's fly sky high together-

7:42 AM :D

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

hmm yay!! im not going to school tml! well, wait a min, there's a reason to it. the school's stup-ly giving practice papers. and we start wasting our time in school doing practice papers. so, i decided to take a day of school to study on my own. seriously, really many things to revise, so little time! i wouldnt wanna waste my time in school doing practice papers anymore!!! got loads loads and loads to do. besides, darling, lao sai lalalaweewee will be there tml! i could ask for some help!! :D yes, i'd study hard!!! :D tho` i have no confidence in myself but well, i will still try!! :)
so yeah, there's about 4 things i wanna achieve right now. first is get good grades for my N levels. second is the sexeh, cannt-be-missed IBANEZ SZ 320 thirdly, samsung d900! and last but most important, him. (although i am not supposed to be thinking about this now xD) but yeah, all these are my heart's desire! :) and everything after that, i'd think of it later. most important always comes first. but then again, sometimes i ask myself why am i always dreaming. HAHA i haven woken up to reality. earth to christina??? huuullooo? wakie wakie. :) however, what you see is not what you'll always get. what i haven see in ages, i really wish to achieve!! :) (HAHA BUT SHUT UP)
sometimes, things drives me crazy. and sometimes i just wanna scream. some times i get depressed and all the time, i miss you. all the time i wanna take a look at you once more. all the time i wanna sink into your arms.

3:21 AM :D

Monday, September 18, 2006

went for study and i learnt many things!! :D im happy for the accomplishment. oh oh, what are the papers tomorrow? erm.. math paper 2 and physics. darn. physics physics physics. haven memorised the formulars and the unit and whatnot. argh. mr yap had to minus one mark for my wrong units and instead of an a2 i got a b3. i would have passed my prelims if not for that pathetic one mark. YES, i scored 11 for prelims. that marks and bring me to ite. and if not for that ONE TINY ITSY BITSY mark, i could have made it to pass my prelims. and yeah. everything that happened, i can only comment that I WOULD RATHER GET WASHED AWAY BY THE TSUNAMI WAVES, I WOULD JUMP FROM THE HIGHEST POSSIBLE BUILDING AND NEVER SEE THE LIGHTS AGAIN. I WOULD USE A SAW BLADE AND SLIT MY NECK A THOUSAND TIMES TILL I BLEED TO DEATH, I WOULD BANG MY HEAD ON THE BALL GAZILLION TIMES TILL I TURN PSYCHO. THAN TO WATCH THE VERY SAME THING HAPPEN AGAIN.
-i would forget the world. and be part of yours-

9:33 AM :D

Sunday, September 17, 2006

i want to be his wallet. so he would carry me with him everywhere he go. i wanna be his phone, so that i can hear his voice everyday. i want to be his pencil, so that he would hold me all day long. i wanna be his bed. so that i could feel his every move eternally. i want to be his tv. so we would watch each other day by day. last but not least, i want to be part of him... so that the world could see we're meant to be. i miss him. ok. for this, i really need a slap on my head. those who can't take sweet nothings, you and start vomitting now.
yeap. this time no joke. N lvls are near. 3 weeks... no. even less. 2 weeks. i feel the urgency. but im as lazy as a pig. but at least i get things done slowly. i need more motivation.. more inspirations to do my work. i guess i really need him, i wanna see him ;) (HAHA SHUT UP)
N LEVELSSSSSSSSSS :D
-in darkness he is all i see-

1:54 AM :D

Thursday, September 14, 2006

sometimes i wonder, why are people so stupid. i dont mean all. but just one person, that ape. BAHH he's uber irritating. and i seriously wanna box his face. neway i did'nt know i was the class treasurer till yesterday. he walked in the class like it's his one palace. and then, ordered people around and ordered the class commitee to stand. obviously i did'nt cause yes i did'nt know i was the class treasurer.(since when did my name appear in the class commitee paper anyway) and just 2 people stood up, still, i was waiting to look at the rest of my classmates stand, happily sitting down and shaking my leg. and then, the pang sai person (ong) told my math teacher to read out all the class commitee names from the notice board. comvieniently, landed in the box after the monitor's. "who is christina" slowly, i raised my hand. "STAND UP!" and i stood up. "WHY ARE YOU SO LAZY?! DID'NT I ASK THE CLASS COMMITEE TO STAND!?" and i answered " no, i was'nt supposed to be the treasurer... and went on and on." and finally, i got to sit back down again. woot. i didnt get any punishments. the rest of the com was told to do 30 squats. (seriously, nothing better could come out from him except stupid things like this) and then they were told to sit down again. and he started talking. and went on and on. and yes, he's the most most most irritating person i've ever seen in ever ever everrrrrrrr. if the people were allowed to kill him, i guess, he'll already be dead centuries ago.( OR I WOULD HAVE ALREADY KILLED HIM)
anyway, i have an announcement to make. pinky, my pillow died yesterday night. im really dreaded by it. cause i love her :(
haha.
-you and me and me and you and you and me and me and you!-

4:56 AM :D

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

WOOTIES N LEVELS ARE COMING STUDY STUDY STUDY.!!!! GOOD LUCK EVERYONE. GOOD LUCK CHRISTINA TOO ! :D
-i'D be Able to see you again, cause n my heaRt we'll never be apart..that, Im sUre. :S -

2:23 AM :D

Monday, September 11, 2006

sigh.. being small, having your birthday way way way behind your friends or rather being the youngest is really, really bad. seriously. first, you are deprived of normal rights like you can't command people about. for example me, i cant command my bro and sis about. instead, they have the right to command me about. that's really bad. secondly, i REALLY am supposed to be 16 this year. and i am supposed to be able to do jobs offered for 16 AND above. but no, my birthday is wayyyyy back. and i wont be able of do jobs offered for 16 and above. therefore, even if i work, i'll earn crap. im still 15+ and i am still 15+, my friends will say that i am a small girl who can't find jobs for "big people" like 16+ and above. ARGH everyone's birthday is coming soon. but mine's not soon and it could really be quite discouraging sometimes. so what are the jobs i will be able to take on? number 1, hold on to pieces of laminated paper talk some usual crap and sell things/coupons to people or rather beg people to buy your product when you actually don't really know what you're trying to sell. or number 2, just be a talking machine at macs "oh hi welcome to macdonalds. ok, hope to see you soon" and earn pity money like $3.50 an hour. and at this rate, i can imagine my electric flying away when i've not even smell it. december december december!!!! why did'nt i come out earlier then!!! 16, now i see why everyone was so happy when they turn sixteen "oh, by then we can go play pool at downtown. christina can stay at home and sleep" this drives me nuttier!!! stay at home and sleep! what was that supposed to mean HAHAHAHAHA. on the contrary, there are also advantages of being a "small kid" or what people call, a spoilt brat (although im not that spoilt la.. :D) just open wide~~ and pronounce the words "mummmyyyyyy~~~ or daddyyyyyyy~~~~~~" and say bye bye to my bro and sis but hulo to christina chan!"don't disturb mei mei arh" WOOHOO!!! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA then you give them that innocent looking face like you hav'nt done anything wrong. sometimes, it really kinda rawks yea? HAHAHAHA
hmmm. havent blog for quite sometime and yeap. so here it is, i went to sentosa last friday and yada yada yada! that's what happened. had fun! but not when i was in sentosa. HUMPH! eating steamboat after that like nobody's business was sheer bliss. totally, what i can call, SHIOKNESS! HEHEHEHAHAHAHHAHAHOHOHOHOHOHO :D:D:D
alright alright! that should be all, c ya soon! :D
-just the sight of you made my heart flip like crazy, just the sound of your name made me grin from ear to ear. when will i experience all these again, is when i see you walking back here, we're all waiting for you. to come back. whatever it is, im just happy i grew up with you.-

8:29 AM :D

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

wahhh. im aching all over. i can barely walk around freely. to think trying to lose fasts and sallulites is easy. my tuition teacher taught me to lose them fast. is to run one hour non stop. i thought it was low kick. i thought one hour would pass real quickly. but when i tried, i nearly died. having to run 15 mins intensive makes me mad, makes me desperate for air and give a sharp pain in my heart. what's that? i over tire my self. so running for one hour non stop is quite impossible after all. ah earth to christina, you've got to be realistic with you targets. so instead, my bro made me do excersises which caused me so much ache. ARGH losing spare oils was'nt so easy after all eh? yeap. without losing people cannot gain anything without sacrificing something you must present something of equal value to gain something :) (full metal alchemist rawk my socks) try harder this evening!
looking at my bro playing kong kong sea is real fun. HAHA soooooo cuteeee the game!!! :)
sigh, nana, the only hope for us going to sentosa is you! hope your parents allow you and yeap. get back to me asap. :) i cant wait!
-i get lost in your eyes and i feel my spirits rise and soar like the wind. isnt this love that i am in?-

1:22 AM :D

Monday, September 04, 2006

so what's the recent trend nowadays? it's putting a turtle on your nick. i was wondering why everyone was putting turtles one their nick. i thought there was a indestructable virus circulating around or something. why was i seeing things. and when i saw that turtle on my bro's nick i finally decided i was'nt any virus. he told me that since the croc hunter died, everyone have been putting turtles on their nick. so, i followed the trend :) well, steve irwin the croc hunter, always remembered. i used to watch him handling crocs in action on central. and time really flies. one moment he was showing off his skills on handling a croc. and another moment, he's already dead. the whole world is spreading this news. "steve irwin's dead. he's dead and he really is." yeap. that was real fast. now i see people slowly changing their nicks to turtles HAHA. and i sometimes wonder, how can things be so coincidental. of all places, how did the sting ray poke him in the heart. why not his legs or arms or where ever. but his heart? realleh so coincidental. at least if the sting ray tried to poke him in his legs he could have survived. obviously he died. even a knife without poison pierced thru the heart. no one can be alive. yuck, stupid sting ray. killed our famous croc hunter. hah. neway i wonder what's all these arguments about the sting ray are about too =) HAHAHAHA.
ok, christina is dead stressed up. i dont understand why the ss textbook has to tell us about so many things in one chapter!! for example, for- conflicts among countries. i dont understand why they have to give us so many different types of conflicts to remember. like we would go back in time to help them stop conflicts. AHHHH this is driving me crazy. as if things like social studies can help us with our later lives. GND LA. ughhhh :D
neway, im going to sentosa yet again!! (well leongish and nana. that's if your parents allow!) and i hope they do. or i'd cry like nobody's business!!!!!! please let them go!! :D and we'll see how sexy leongish has grown HAHAHAHA RIGHT?
alright alright, i guess i've talked enough. back to books!
-there's nothing better than you in my dreams.-

6:46 AM :D

Sunday, September 03, 2006

:( i went to visit my grandparents' today. looking at the state the both of them are in, it really caused pain to my heart. my grandfather was'nt moving at all. i could only see him breathe. it's like, he's as good being in a coma. and for my grandmother, she has really bad memory problems. i guess it flows in the genes. HAHAHAHA nahh. she has the how-do-you- spell-it? disease. alzemier's?. she could'nt even remember who my dad was. or rather, who i was, her youngest grand-daughter. i remembered when i was really small, i was really close to my grandma and she doted on me the most :D i did'nt want to share a room with my siblings. instead, i'd always run to her room. and when i was afraid, (of thunder or whatnot) i would climb up her stomach, find a comfortable spot on her stomach and fall asleep on her stomach. and when it's time for her to go back to my aunty's house to stay, i would dread the whole night, refusing to eat or sleep till she comes back. but as i grow older, she became less important in my eyes. i dont think about her everyday and i dont even give her a call like i used to everday, last time. and now, she has grown much older and she just could'nt remember who i was. :'( but when she suddenly and finally did, she told me that i did'nt care for her anymore. i really, nearly cried. i felt really bad and stupid. she took care of me since young and now what i do is to forget her just like that. but still, i love her. and grandma, i still care for you, i really do. im really thankful for a grandma like her. :) and yes. i think there's really little time left before she really leave here. and all i really want to say is thank you grandma. :) if only she could live as long as me... :(
anyway, tomorrow... or rather tuesday will be the official start of N lvls (for ss). for me that is. chinese is so not important. :) so yeap! study study study.!! :) back to books! :)
-a dream is a wish your heart makes. and i dreamt you were here with me. i'd stay with you right here. under the beautiful night sky. we'll wait. like the sun's never gonna rise.-

8:48 AM :D

Friday, September 01, 2006

yay. im still here! at an uneartly hour. hmmm. felt really lousy. staying at home like that for the whole day being not able to find something productive and sleeping (recuperating) almost the whole day drives me crazy. i wish i could ride a car and crash or blow it up or something. just thinking back of the whole of today wasting so much time, i seriously can almost kill myself. at around 6+ this evening, or rather, just now, i saw myself playing beach volleyball with my friends at sentosa. but i realised it was too late to plan that. argh!stupid, stupid, stupid!!! i should just shut up about it.
and yes, shit. i was having severe mood swings and i was extremely temperamental for the whole of this morning. got up, washed up and then "queued up" for the com. and finally, singned in to msn. and shit, i scared every one off with my mood sswings. everyone that talked to me this morning. im really sorreh! :) damn it, if i had known being a gal was so difficult, i would have turned myself into a guy while i was in my mum's stomach. ARGH dang it. THIS is also driving me nuts. well, no one said being a guy was easy either. but they dont suffer the pain of giving birth and they dont get monthly moodswings and they dont get to wear "monthly diapers" want some of that? uuughh!!. ok. gone too far. excuse me for that part eh HAHAHA. but it sure would be better for guys to be pregnant. since everyone of them supposed to be strongly built naturally. so, giving birth to them would be low kick right? :P HAHA ok this is so out of point.
anyway, YOU! thanks for all the lies, thanks for realising all my bad points. thanks for all the shits after how much i've cherished you. thanks for not remembering my good side, instead pick on my every little flaw. thanks for not realising i was the one who's always there. thanks for not realising you knife that continually pierced me. yes, i haven fully gotten over you before today. thanks for not knowing that you've showered me with nothing but pain. thanks for coming back when i was trying to get up on my feet. thanks for taking me in when you suffered those unrequited love and throwing me out when you got accepted. thanks for calling me when you need me and being such an ass when you dont. if you havent realised. or if you never realised. i am a living human. i need air to breathe just like you. i have a heart and yes, i do have feelings. im not your toy and im not dead. im alive and my heart still beats. thanks for pretending nothing happened and moving on, announcing your lovey-dovey actions to everyone round`. thanks for letting me know personally, you've tried hard to not remember the past. thanks for being such a moron. you made me feel as if im so stupid, you made me feel like i was your slave, and i know ive wasted enough time. thanks, for being such an asswipe. walls do have ears afterall. and yes, after everything im really childish eh?no, i dont think i am. the truth is, ive never made use of you. and i know i was and am not childish. at least im matured enough to thank those who have done so much for me and truly cherish the ones i love. have you ever reconsidered before speaking? if im childish, have you ever thought if you were too? if i was childish, why did'nt you say it earlier? rather you gave me all the load when i wasnt important in your sight anymore. and then again, have you ever thought about how much ive done for you thanks for a payback like this. yes, now you see this. and even if you dont, the same thing applies if i have the chance to tell you face to face. hate me all you want.blame me all you want. shoot insults at me all you want. this is where and this is the time i've learnt not to care how you feel no more. this is what i will say and this is what i feel. last but not least, thank you for destroying me. i've stood up, and i swear i'd never fall. under any circumstances. its finally time for me to say, you're the worst dream i've woken up to.
and now i realised i've school tml. nitez peeps! :D
-i dreamt you came back. i dreamt i could see you again-

12:18 PM :D