"po po" i muttered, while looking into the coffin.
"i miss po po" i turned to my sister with tears almost blurring my vision.
my heart hurt, but all i could do was stand there and look into the lifeless body laying in there.

i started to reminisce the times when i shared the same room as popo, climbed up on her stomach to sleep when i felt scared and insecured, how much i cried and whined when she wasn't there, popo teaching me how to sing folk songs from china and most unforgettably, patting me to sleep with her ever so patient nature.

i remembered how she looked, always smiling at me with so much tenderness in her eyes and the gentleness in her hands.

popo loved cooking. she used to cook the best tasting food on earth.
popo also loved haw flakes, she enjoyed buying them for her grandchildren and the contented looks on their faces.
sewing was her favourite past time. popo sewed pillow cases and bolster cases for all of us. that is why, pinky is so important to me. pinky is a pink pillow case i had with me since 4- popo sewed pinky for me.

then i thought about how selfish i was.

when popo was still around, everytime there was a chance to visit her, i would give excuses- "i'm busy" "im tired" "i made plans for the afternoon"
i didn't give much of my time to popo and i visited her quite seldom. everything was always about me and not others.
now, there isn't a chance at all for me to see her smiles, talk to her and hold her hands.
when i saw popo laying there all i wanted to say was, "popo, im really sorry"
but does it matter? popo cant hear me anymore.

but i was contented enough to hear that popo is safe, up there with Daddy God.

and i'm sure popo doesn't want to see us cry, popo loves smiles on people's faces.

she was the best grandmother anyone could have ever had.

RIP popo,
i love you.

good things always comes to an end, no?

all the shoppings and outs with my loves, dinings at not so budget jap restaurant, working a same part time job with bestie and late night catch ups with pizza and a bowl of over starchy 2 dollar shark's fin (not) soup, i love the company and not to forget every other absurd events, everything now has to come to a close.
though thankful enough our school reopens one to two weeks after every other schools, but not so thankful because no one enjoys the company of books and a grouchy lecturer in the mornings. no wait......... actually not only in the mornings but for the whole fucking day.

2 days away from school and zero rest . im going back to work in an hour's time.

eventhough working for extra pocket money ate up almost half of my holidays, i still enjoy every moment of it. BRING BACK THE HOLIDAYS PLEASE .

Ubf!!! I miss cha so muchh k. Plzz c' to church soon. And see the little cornerrr done by your dad, v v v well done!!! (L) it. Tomorrow's my hist n's paper. Sighhh I'm so scaree I focus on the wrong topic. (I CAN DO IT).

I just got home from the airport, sent kenny soph and char offf. They left for cebu todayyy. I've been visiting the airport so often, 2 days back it was kennneth. K I reallyyy dont wanna shift to pasir ris and I'm so bored thats why I'm helping you to bloggg. I canttt gett to sleep actually. Got loadssa to tell you but I cant tell you over here 'cause its not v v safe?

I miss you so muchhhhh *.* I shalll try to c' for youth this sat - Im shifting house you seeee. Plzzz take good care of yourself, dont just bother bout earning moneyyy k. I've all the cashhh you neeeddd, don't stress yourself over em. Just lemmme know and I'll write you a chequee in my malibuu barbie sharpay cheque book. Hahhaa. K I've got a joke to tell you too. WILL TELL YOU OVER DINNER OR LUNCH. HAHHAA ITS SO FUNNNY.

K think thats long enough to help you upd8 alreadyyy. You can help me upd8 too if you wantttt c: The email is nylraep_gnoel@hotmail.com and the passworrdd yyou can guesss it. Text me if you want it. I love chuu xoxo. Hang out soon k. Maybellynn's birthday justtt past. I cant wait to see you sex bitch, slut lover <333

/m\ for motivation, and you're the motivation I ever neeedddeddd.

Yessss so sweet of me, goodnight dearieeee. I love you. I'll cudddle you when I see you, gimme gimmmee that high 5.

Nooo waitttt I totallly agreee sept love wass a blastt k!!! We'll have more of that, fo' suree. I cant wait till another sleepover with you. You're suchaaa piggg huhh. Hhahaa. Sleep so early when we were doing the pretty (x190000000) walls. I can only imagineee, my annoying birddd flying around you. Goodnexzzz that was xoxo love. Plus all the videos and our mtv (L) it. The songs were v v enjoyable too. I miss those good o' times. Now N's are hereee. But its ending. 3 more papers. Everything will be over on the 8th. I'll be in pasir ris till then (Sighhh) so I can meet you for lunch or wtvv. DONT PANGSEHHH ME AHHH.

K and plzz dont brood over the sucky f1 job k. I'm sure God has His planss. YOU CAN DO IT. ALL THE WAYYY BABE.

Pearlyn (L) Christina ubf. I'm tcfy ultim8 bestfrs foreverrrr.

just when i thought i could stay at home and rot the rest of my holidays away, Pasta Fresca Manager called and i was supposed to go to work today.


EDIT

i love the holidays (:

taking walks in the park, talking and laughing together, even simple things like having our meals together, just love the time spent together (; LOVE YOU CHERRY TWIG.

do you know ? :


how it feels like when you tried but was not appreciated



how is it like when what felt like fun together was just a temporary high


what it is like when "sorry" is a too simple word to say


what it feels like when talk is cheap



how it feels when your best friend turns his back on you



do you know how it feels like?
.
.
.
nope, i dont anymore.


because the more things seem to change, the more they stay the same.



They say,




although the Good news is,

the holidays are underway and i've enjoyed myself quite a fair bit.


September love :

was a blast, stayed over in church at night for last minute rehearsals and stuff, having silly moments with pearlyn leong ubf and all . On the actual day the next day, quite a number came and the whole event was a success. videos, mime, band and all. with pearlyn and her annoying bird during the hand mime flying around me, telling me to put the wrong actions during the full dress rehearsals, lol. ahh, the feeling of satisfaction. what's this fun i feel i'm missing right now?








what's more? suntanning, beach volleyballing at sentosa with sweetness and the others (:

and an even greater news?
i passed my examinations! surprise surprise!



very very sadly however, i was also busied with finding high and low for a decent job to get employed to. so, "what you wish is what you get",


i don't get to enjoy every single day of my holidays anymore.
i've been kicked to siglap, working as a waitress for Pasta Fresca. i know i know, "Christina and waitress dont go together" they say. BUT I'M TRYING MY BEST OKAY?

if not for the torn pockets the pretty dresses and the hungry tummies, i wouldn't even think about leaving my humble abode ):


students read books
doctors examine bodies
waitresses studies the menu, and and that's exactly what i HAVE TO do right now.

TILL AGAIN!

they say :

only after you are about to lose or after you already have lost someone then it would hit you hard on the head and pierce you in the heart.

only then, it causes you to think, why didn't i cherish her? why didn't i do enough for him? silly, huh? sometimes it makes me wonder, why do we choose to be like that since we have all rights to act, think, speak, with full freedom? given hands, brains and mouth that we own, have we not enough freedom to love, freedom to care, freedom to cherish, freedom to show compassion?

.

ubf was admitted to the hospital yesterday, shock the guts out of everybody.

i heard last night from my brother, a question she asked. she said, "if i were to die, i wonder who would cry for me?" pearlyn leong let me answer your question, if you were to go, everyone would be devastated. your energy, your comfort, you, cheering people on when they're tired, your laughters, everything. they make people smile. =) you are important to every single one of us ;) no kidding aye! Thank God for his love and goodness, im really happy you're fine!

.
i am down to the deepest and i feel out of this world.
why do things you really hate to see happen always have to come true.
why do we have to share and what rights have they to take?
why do we hate?
why do we worry?
why do we feel incompetent
and why do we like to hurt so much?
Go figure!


i'm not a least bit happy about it.


still, forever God is faithful . He's my source of comfort and strength.

Firstly, due this tuesday was my EPT which also means "Electronic Prototyping" homework. Asking us to find things that :

1. Have not been taught before



2. Have not been given a brief explanation of and lastly,



3. There wasn't any information about our research!

i was already working into my sleeping time and what i saw further agitated me :

this was a question someone, most probably a TP student researching for the same thing i need to research for (that's was why i landed up on this page) but to no avail so he/she had to look for answers from yahoo answers which is supposedly helpful

HOWEVER, THIS WAS WHAT I FOUND :

not giving us any idea maybe a little clue about what this "DUAL INPUT DC POWER SUPPLY +15 and -15 outputs with less than 15 components" work, maybe explaining a little would help, THAN MAKING US COMPLETELY CLUELESS OH, that's not all. they even asked us to write how this thing operates in OUR OWN WORDS. as if it was not enough, this i am guessing, TP lecturer further agitated us students by typing his/her insensitive, useless phrase of words. WHICH REALLY MADE ME BURNING HOT ON THE HIGHEST TEMPERATURE EVEN THE BEST THERMOMETER ON EARTH WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO WITHSTAND. the lecturer could even presume that was a TP STUDENT! why??? because apparently, there were almost no clues at all about what we were supposed to research on.

ANNOYANCE LVL AT IT'S HIGHEST!

not only that, i went to another forum website and a supposedly TP student asked the exact same question that was on the sheet of homework. He/she said "i couldn't find any information on the net so i really need help in this" the reply was asking about what exactly is this work about or smth but this student replied "i dont know, the teacher didn't even explain to us what to do."

so were we supposed to finish the homework on time, maybe get the right information for the research? i guess many students, including me gave close to, however, wrong information about the research. well, at least i tried.

.

my mum bought for my brother his personal bass guitar, my sister, her personal keyboard and me, my personal acoustic guitar. though it was a blessing, it has been really affecting my sleep. having not enough sleep already at night, every afternoon while i take my naps after school, my brother just had to play his bass so loudly disrupting my sleep every afternoon. and today, my sister, brother, and friend played them all together. SIGH how was i supposed to sleep!??!?!

ALRIGHT ENOUGH OF COMPLAINING.

Dear God, please give me peace when i am sleeping and help me thank the lecturers in the school instead of cursing them and thank God for everything he has given me instead of always complaining. AMEN.

this road may be long, sometimes rough . we'll hold hands and walk, till we reach the finish line.